Tired of "trying harder"? Adult ADHD Coach Ryan Mayer joins the podcast to explain how to stop fighting your neurodivergent brain and build a life that fits your strengths.
Mike and Chaya sit down with Ryan Mayer, a certified ADHD coach who helps neurodivergent adults stop trying to “discipline” their brains and start building systems that actually work. Ryan shares how drowning in corporate burnout, overwhelm, and the constant pressure to “try harder” pushed him toward a strengths-based approach to adult ADHD. Most importantly, he explains why self-care is a non-negotiable part of taking your life back.
Ryan Mayer is a certified ADHD coach who helps neurodivergent adults (especially late-diagnosed folks) manage overwhelm, procrastination, and the day-to-day chaos that comes from living in a world built for neurotypical systems. After spending over a decade in corporate roles, he hit the familiar wall: pushing harder didn’t create consistency—it created burnout. That shift led him into coaching and into building practical, strengths-based tools for working with an ADHD brain instead of constantly correcting it.
Today, Ryan coaches clients globally and also supports companies through neuro-inclusion work—helping workplaces understand what ADHD really looks like on the inside (and what actually helps). You’ll also find him sharing tactical ADHD strategies across TikTok and YouTube through Ryan Mayer Coaching.
[00:00:21] Mike Cornell: Today's guest is Ryan Mayer, a certified ADHD coach on a mission to help others navigate through the storms caused by ADHD. Through empathy, enthusiasm, and education, Ryan empowers people to rediscover beliefs in themselves. He's the creator of the Conquer Your ADHD system, and his coaching tackles challenges like time management, overwhelm, and procrastination, all while feeling supported and understood.
[00:00:47] Mike Cornell: Welcome to the show.
[00:00:48] Ryan Mayer: So honored to be here and I- as you were reading it, I was thinking, "Wow, I would love to work with that guy," because I struggle with those things.
[00:00:57] Chaya Mallavaram: Welcome to the show, Ryan. You and I met, a [00:01:00] year and a half ago and we just hit it off, , our very first meeting. I really felt we've met in our past lives. , there was that instant chemistry I was just networking, , with the neurodivergent, , community because I had just come out as a neurodivergent person, and I'm like, "Where are my people?"
[00:01:21] Chaya Mallavaram: So when I met you, it just was amazing and we were talking about so many different things. And, , here we are. We are right here, right now recording this. , so tell us how you got here and, , why are you doing what you're doing?
[00:01:36] Chaya Mallavaram: What's your story? What's your inspiration?
[00:01:40] Ryan Mayer: There are So many things that I think of when you ask the question, because as Mike read in my bio, what I do to help my clients as a certified ADHD coach is to navigate through the storms that are caused in our lives by the way that our brain is wired. And to answer your question, where am I at?
[00:01:58] Ryan Mayer: I am on the other [00:02:00] side of the bridge, and there's the... underneath is the raging river of consequences. So I've gotten pulled into those rapids many times, and so I felt called to take all those challenges and put them together to build a bridge over that river. , so I consider myself a bridge builder, and I'm now helping others to cross that river without having to have all of the pain that I did on the way.
[00:02:26] Ryan Mayer: And I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was in high school, and the very short story about that is, was doing really well in school and in grade school, and then when I hit some certain quantitative subjects, my visual way of processing the world wasn't really helping me out. And I noticed that I started finishing last in, in every test.
[00:02:48] Ryan Mayer: Not in grades, but just literally the last one to turn it in, and this was time after time and I just thought, "Huh, that's really interesting." And then my mom noticed when I was playing basketball, , played basketball and baseball in high [00:03:00] school, and I'll never forget this time where I came out of practice one night, and this was before I could drive, so, you know, your parents come and pick you up.
[00:03:06] Ryan Mayer: And I got in the car and she said, "I have a question. What do you do in there?" And I was like, "Well, what do you mean, Mom? I'm changing after pract-" And she said, "No, no, no, I know that, but everyone else is doing that too. And you're always the last one out. What do you do in there?" And I just laughed and I said, "Well, , I don't know.
[00:03:23] Ryan Mayer: I guess I'm just talking to other people." So we started seeing this pattern, and there was stress that came as a result of that in different areas of life. So then we explored a diagnosis, and I'll never forget as the psychiatrist is reading down the description of ADHD and I'm just thinking, "Check, check, check, check.
[00:03:42] Ryan Mayer: And I had this mixture, and this is what a lot of my clients tell me they experience, , , equal parts relief and regret. Like relief because, "Oh, thank goodness. It's not because I'm messed up or it's not because I'm broken. There's a reason for this." But then the regret of...
[00:03:57] Ryan Mayer: And obviously I was only in high school. Other [00:04:00] people, especially women I find, are getting diagnosed in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. A lot of people will have this feeling of regret, of, "If I only would've known, things could've been different." So I carried on, went into college, and in college I excelled in the things that leveraged my strengths.
[00:04:18] Ryan Mayer: , as we have talked about before, I love people and I get energized when I'm around others and finding ways that I can help them and make connections. So in the areas of college where I had to do that, I was really good at it. And in the areas where I had to- Study and do things over a long period of time to have it ready by the end of the term.
[00:04:37] Ryan Mayer: I didn't do so well.
[00:04:42] Ryan Mayer: So thankfully, I made the decision to, , go to the Office of Student Services and, showed my documentation of my ADHD diagnosis. So if anyone's listening, this is, one tip I would say. If I could go, "If I could turn back time," I would go back and tell my younger self, "Whpsh, whpsh, whpsh." Go to the student services [00:05:00] office. Don't try to be too proud. Get in there and get your accommodations so that you don't have a mental breakdown when you're in the huge lecture hall and all you can hear is the clicking of the pens or the tapping of the feet or the ticking clock. So that's my piece of advice.
[00:05:13] Ryan Mayer: If you are a college student or if you're about to go to college or if you have a child who's in college, if they have ADHD, tell them to put their pride to the side. Ooh, that sounds catchy. Put your pride to the side, , because it's time to decide to go to student services and just get the help that you need.
[00:05:31] Ryan Mayer: I was able to get a distraction reduced environment as well as extended time, and it was so helpful. It was night and day difference.
[00:05:40] Ryan Mayer: And as I'm sitting there taking the exam, thinking to myself, "Man, that was way easier. I don't have as nearly as much test anxiety." So then I graduate college, and I figured I'm a natural born salesperson, and I come from a long line of successful salespeople.
[00:05:55] Ryan Mayer: So watch out, world, here I come. I'm gonna just make this big splash. , [00:06:00] until I didn't. In fact, ooh, never said it this way before, but not only did I not make a splash, but I nearly drowned a couple of times. , drowning in tasks, drowning in projects, drowning in overwhelm. And this is the part of my story that really, starts my motivation that brought me to where I am now.
[00:06:18] Ryan Mayer: If I could describe the lowest points of my time in the corporate world, , one word to sum it all up would be hopeless. Because no matter how early I got to the office, how late I stayed, how hard I worked, how much I isolated myself to try to focus, it was, as they say in The Greatest Showman, Never enough.
[00:06:37] Ryan Mayer: Never, never. So it's like, no matter how hard I tried, it-- I just wasn't ever gonna reach, you know, get above water. , so I was, as I like to say, liberated from employment, , several times and released back into the wild. And I learned a lot, and I kept asking. You know, I'm, I am a faith-based person. I'm Christian, Roman Catholic, and [00:07:00] so I was praying and just asking like, "Why does this keep happening to me?
[00:07:03] Ryan Mayer: , I'm, I'm trying my best.
[00:07:12] Ryan Mayer: I'm being a good person." And kind of what I got back was like, the reason I went through these, it wasn't an accident, because I ended up, , in two thousand and eighteen, I went to the International ADHD Conference, which by the way, I didn't even know was a thing. I only found it because I was desperately googling, trying to find- Some help.
[00:07:24] Ryan Mayer: And as fate would have it, just as you were saying, Shia, right at the beginning about, like, serendipitous meeting, , I ended up meeting the founder and president of the ADHD Coaching Academy, David Gerwurg, who by the way would be a great person to have on the show at some point. And like, very much like when you and I met for the first time, he and I, our first conversation was just such an epic one, and we ended up talking for two and a half hours.
[00:07:49] Ryan Mayer: And I'm just thinking, "Wow," like, "I'm a, a no-one. I'm new on the scene, and this guy's a very big deal, and he's giving all the time to me." And at the end he said to me, "Ryan, I think you would make a really good [00:08:00] ADHD coach." And I said, "Oh, you mean like life coach? , yeah, I don't think so, but thanks." Because I had a certain view of life coaches.
[00:08:08] Ryan Mayer: To me, a life coach was someone who couldn't hack it in other professions, so they just put up a sign and say like, "Hey, I'm a g- life coach now." But I realized there was so much more to it. So, fast-forward, I'm in one of my last corporate jobs and was really struggling because it was something that I didn't fully grasp all the benefits of the technology we were selling.
[00:08:28] Ryan Mayer: , there was a lot of personnel and egos and all kinds of things. But I was just very depressed, to be honest. I was in a very dark emotional place, and my wife asked me a question changed the course of my life forever. And she asked, it's simple but powerful.
[00:08:41] Ryan Mayer: Here's what she said: "Ryan, if you could do anything, what would you do for work?" and she said, "I'm asking because you're such a happy person. You're so energetic, yet you're so down all the time now, and your family and I are starting to get worried about you." 'Cause I was losing weight, and I just didn't have energy, and I was just [00:09:00] depressed and burnt out,
[00:09:01] Ryan Mayer: And feeling hopeless 'cause it's like, doesn't matter. Like, why am I even trying? , so when she asked me that, I zzzhh, I went right back to that moment when I was talking with David Gerwurg at the conference, and it was like this moment of clarity. And that's why I say in the dark is where I found my spark.
[00:09:16] Ryan Mayer: And the spark of hope, , was I could be an ADHD coach, and, like, what if- All of these challenges that I've been through could be for a purpose. Like, I could use them to help other people. And so that's why I say specifically in my mission statement, like on my website is, I help people like me, 'cause I want people to know.
[00:09:34] Ryan Mayer: It's amazing how similar so many of us are, regardless of where we are in the world, what our backgrounds are, what our culture is, what our religion is, age, sex, location, doesn't matter, we have very similar challenges.
[00:09:45] Ryan Mayer: , so anyway, in 2020, I decided to take the leap and start my coaching practice, and this little thing called the global pandemic happened, and when that happened, it was, again, I can't make this up, 'cause I feel like it was so serendipitous.[00:10:00]
[00:10:00] Ryan Mayer: One of my current clients at the time referred someone to me, and this young man, 19-year-old from New York City, a Black kid, and he said to me, , "So you're a coach. Well, so am I." And I'm like, "Oh, what are you coaching? Like, you're 19 years old." And he said, "I'm a social media coach." I'm like, "Oh, interesting."
[00:10:19] Ryan Mayer: And I'm like, "All right, well, you know, my coaching is however many hundreds of dollars." And he said, "Yeah, I can't afford that, but how about we barter and I'll coach you on social media and you coach me on my ADHD?" And I was like, "All right. Well, I'm not doing much on social media right now, so why not?"
[00:10:33] Ryan Mayer: And he said, "What platform are you thinking?" And I said, "Well, you know, I'm really looking for, like, working with professionals. I want my image to be real polished, so LinkedIn would be where I would go." And he said... I'll never forget. He goes, "No, no, no, bro. That's not where you wanna be. You gotta be on TikTok."
[00:10:48] Ryan Mayer: And at the time I was, , 35. I'm 40 now. And I said, "So I'm a 35-year-old dad," and at the time TikTok was just, like, teenagers doing choreographed dances and lip-syncing [00:11:00] trendy songs, and I just thought that, "That's not me." And he said, "Well, if you wanna work with me, that's what we're gonna do." I'm like, "All right.
[00:11:05] Ryan Mayer: So I go onto TikTok. By the way, we're almost done with Coach Ryan's story. Hang on, everyone. , so I get on to TikTok and I'm still, like, these numbers still kind of blow my mind to even say them, but it was just the perfect storm of the pandemic and people's routines were gone and they're trying to be teachers at home when they're not teachers, and it's just chaos and all their systems are breaking down.
[00:11:27] Ryan Mayer: So I think they were just ready. Well, first of all, they were spending more time on social media, but then they were ready to hear about ADHD 'cause they were realizing, "Hmm, I'm really struggling staying organized." so from... I went from zero followers on TikTok and in 60 days I had 330,000 followers.
[00:11:45] Ryan Mayer: And I say that less to be like, "Yay, Coach Ryan." I mean, don't get me wrong. I worked very hard and I have fun, entertaining, engaging content that's also educational and relatable, but more importantly than that is the [00:12:00] bigger reason why we're all here, is that we are living in a world that's not built for us, and I think people were just ready to start hearing the message.
[00:12:08] Ryan Mayer: Because I made a decision when I started creating content that I'm not gonna mask anymore. I'm done doing that. I'm taking off the filter and I'm just gonna talk about my experience authentically and- So many people have commented on that over the last five years about, "When I listen to your stuff, I can tell that you really mean it."
[00:12:25] Ryan Mayer: And it's true, because I know how painful it can be, and how infuriating it is to know exactly what to do. You know how to do it, you know why it's important, but you can't get your brain to shift into gear. So as I started pulling together these different resources and things that had worked for me, , it was so fulfilling to be able to start helping other people.
[00:12:44] Ryan Mayer: So I've been doing this now for five years, and these numbers are pretty wild, but I've had the privilege and the honor of coaching people from, 24 different countries around the world, and coached hundreds of people now. And I only put that out there not to be like, "Hey, look at me, I'm [00:13:00] so awesome."
[00:13:00] Ryan Mayer: I'm saying it because I was the person who wasn't even good enough to be kept at a corporate job. They kept kicking me out, and now I'm a global thought leader and influencer, a top voice on LinkedIn. And my story, I just want it to be a beacon of hope for people who feel defeated. Like, there's no chance that they're gonna be able to do anything about it.
[00:13:21] Ryan Mayer: , So I still get emotional telling that story, but that's my short answer to how I got here
[00:13:26] Chaya Mallavaram: It was so much fun listening to your story, although, you know, the challenges, but that challenge is a part of life. And, , I love the bridge concept. when we get on the other side, it's beautiful, and everybody has a different bridge to cross.
[00:13:43] Chaya Mallavaram: And that is what you're here to help, to find out which bridge and where do I get to go, because the answers are inside of us. And I love the examples that you gave, the rejections that you've had from the corporate world. [00:14:00] They were all giving you a message, , but you were not willing to listen until it was the right time.
[00:14:05] Chaya Mallavaram: But maybe they were giving enough experiences so that you really feel it. I mean, when I look at my life as well, I was stuck. , but there's always a timing, a divine timing for that. And so I have no regrets. I've only had, , lessons, and I've learned from those lessons to get on the other side.
[00:14:25] Ryan Mayer: Totally. Love that
[00:14:26] Chaya Mallavaram: Yeah.
[00:14:27] Chaya Mallavaram: So, so talk a little bit more about that bridge, , from your experience now that you've coached hundreds of people from across the globe. I love this whole global impact because we're all the same, just different bodies, different genders, skin color, , but at the end of the day, we're all the same
[00:14:46] Ryan Mayer: Yeah. We're all connected, we're all human, and it's such a beautiful thing and really a gift for me to be able to just be exposed to such a diverse, , tapestry of humanity in the work that I do. [00:15:00] Because I'm meeting people that I never would've met otherwise, and it's a privilege as a coach to be able to have someone allow you into their innermost thoughts and challenges and goals.
[00:15:11] Ryan Mayer: And that's why, you know, in addition to saying a beacon of hope, I also say I consider myself to be a keeper of dreams, where it's like I know what it's like to have the flame almost, like, completely extinguished by the world, and I wanna be the one to Like blow on that and give it some air and help to reignite them.
[00:15:30] Ryan Mayer: Just because I've built a coaching practice, and I always emphasize this during my introductory call with potential new clients, I tell them, "I don't know everything." And being on the other side of the bridge, the word that I like to use, one of my favorite words is fascinating because that's usually what I fill in instead of other negative words that I would use towards myself, , with negative self-talk.
[00:15:50] Ryan Mayer: And I think to myself, it's fascinating, and I think this can apply to many people in many different situations, but it's fascinating to me how when I'm helping others, [00:16:00] it's so clear to me how to help them cross the bridge. , but that doesn't mean that I have everything figured out by any means.
[00:16:07] Ryan Mayer: Because I loved what you said a few minutes ago that the answers are already inside of us, and so this is... When people coach with me, I tell them it's not about me providing some sort of earth-shattering, mind-blowing insights that they never knew. It's really about helping them. Like, there's a couple... I always call it the Coach Ryan-isms or the Ryan one-liners, that being able to have that sacred space where you can slow down your brain enough to actually stop.
[00:16:36] Ryan Mayer: And in my coach training program, they called it the power of the pause, to be able to pause long enough to just think about what's happening. Because for so many of us with ADHD, whether we're more on the inattentive side or more on the hyperactive side, we're either physically moving all around or we are internally just our mind is going a million miles an hour, and we don't usually stop to think about what's happening.
[00:16:59] Ryan Mayer: So [00:17:00] that's what I think i- it... Just holding that space for people to let them look inside themselves to figure out, "Oh, actually, you're right, Coach. I have been in this kind of situation before, and I do know how to get out of it. I just kind of forgot that." , so that's, that's how I help people. And in fact, it's one of the...
[00:17:16] Ryan Mayer: It can be challenging. Like, I just had a client, , from overseas. He engaged with me in coaching, and I always tell... I've now developed this, , what would I call it? A policy that people must commit to three months of coaching. And it's not even... It's has nothing to do with money, and it has everything to do with ADHD and just how I've learned that- When I start holding up the mirror for them and helping them to see the reality of some of their behaviors, and I'm providing observations, and I'm not there to sugarcoat it for them.
[00:17:50] Ryan Mayer: I'm there to help them make progress, and sometimes progress is painful. And so this person that I was working with said, "I'm just confused because, you know, [00:18:00] we've been working together for a little over a month, but, , most of the insights and the work has all come from me." and I said, "That's exactly what coaching is."
[00:18:08] Ryan Mayer: You know, there's obviously some work to be done about a- aligning the expectations there, but I just want to tell everyone who's listening, you probably already know what you need to do, and the most beneficial thing about any kind of coaching is that you have that external accountability because we have that people-pleasing tendency as ADHDers that we don't want to let anyone down.
[00:18:26] Ryan Mayer: And obviously that's kind of a universal human truth in general. But I feel like it's amplified for us because we've had so many past failures that we don't want to disappoint anyone, including ourselves. So when you have someone who's cheering you on, even though I'm not gonna come down on my client and say, "Hey, you said you were gonna do that thing, you didn't do it," I'm gonna say, "Hey, last call you had told me that something that was really important for you to try to make progress on is, for example, cleaning the garage.
[00:18:53] Ryan Mayer: You know, we had talked about a plan to break it down to steps, write it out or, you know, whatever they wanted to do. And if they did it, awesome. [00:19:00] If they didn't do it, that's okay too. I tell them we're-- , my friend, , Anne Laure Le Cunff, who might be another person to write down to have on the podcast.
[00:19:07] Ryan Mayer: She's an author of a book called Tiny Experiments. And so I always tell my clients we're just experimenting. 'Cause if we can change our perspective on it and our mindset around, I'm just testing different things and... 'Cause i- instead of viewing it as, "Oh, I failed again." Don't look at it as a failure. Look at it as you've learned something that do- didn't work for you, and let's try something else. , and then having that accountability partner that they can check in with me. So that's, that's kind of more of what I do now as the person on, you know, quote-unquote, "the other side of the bridge."
[00:19:37] Ryan Mayer: I'm still very much on my journey. Every single day I'm fighting the same battles. But I can at least help guide them, and then they can choose the path that they feel is best for them.
[00:19:47] Mike Cornell: I love that you bring up the idea of what doesn't work for you isn't a failure, and that's something that's so important, particularly when you're dealing with topics of invisible disabilities, right? Because [00:20:00] there's a lot of shame and a lot of self-frustration that's built into those invisible disabilities, where if it's something more concrete, you're able to kind of go with it a little bit more.
[00:20:10] Mike Cornell: But there's always that feeling whenever it can't be seen that I should be able to just get over it, you know, whatever that would even mean in that context. But it's, about, that way just doesn't work for you.
[00:20:24] Mike Cornell: But there are ways you can go about things. that's still open to you. That's still a power that you have.
[00:20:33] Mike Cornell: And talking about your approach to coaching, how important is it to connect an ADHD person's concrete skills? You know, every ADHD person has a series of skill types that they are very adept at.
[00:20:46] Mike Cornell: , sometimes they're not the most helpful, but they're very adept at. And how important is it to connect those concrete skills to the skillsets they do struggle with maintaining?
[00:20:57] Ryan Mayer: So Mike, are you trying to suggest that my [00:21:00] ability to doodle and make random little Halloween decorations for my children isn't useful as an ADHD life coach? No. I'm really glad you bring up the concept of strengths, and that's actually one of the pillars of my coaching practice, is reminding them and reconnecting them with their signature strengths.
[00:21:20] Ryan Mayer: And it's amazing when I take them through the exercises and then they can review it. And to help to avoid us forgetting about it, I have them print out an eight and a half by 11 sheet of paper that they can put somewhere where they'll see it to remind them whenever they're stuck on a problem, they can always look at that sheet of paper and think, "Okay, which one of these unique gifts that I have c- could I potentially leverage in this situation?"
[00:21:43] Ryan Mayer: And all kidding aside, with my doodling, it does help me sometimes to, , illustrate to maybe a more visual processor, , client of an idea that I might have, , and just articulate it for an audience in a simpler way. , but you talked about how people can take different [00:22:00] approaches and it's not always accepted, and that immediately takes me back to one of my most memorable, even though it was a very, I don't want to call it traumatic, but it was a very negative experience, where I had, I thought I had finally kinda like cracked the code.
[00:22:14] Ryan Mayer: I worked in a recruitment, , team for an organization, and when I started making my dreams come true. Because I was the recruiter and there was a team, you know, below us that their duties were to support us. So I could go out and be the hunter-gatherer presenter that I love being, and do the hard part about getting the candidate to say yes, 'cause that's the skill, and I was exceptional at doing that.
[00:22:39] Ryan Mayer: But where the wheels fell off is that the detailed follow-up about like, okay, they've said yes, now, you know, get the background check and the drug screen and get them to sign all the paperwork, and organize the person to come in to do a real estate visit and things like that, and that's where I would get lost.
[00:22:56] Ryan Mayer: And so what I found was one of my [00:23:00] teammates who despised doing presentations, and I could tell why 'cause she was really bad at them, , I offered to take all of hers if she could help me with some of my administrative follow-up stuff, which she was really, really good at. And she's like, "Wait, that's it?"
[00:23:15] Ryan Mayer: And she said, "That's too easy. Yeah, let's go. I'm, I'm in. I'm in." So this went on for about a month or so, and then the leadership got wind of it and I got called into the senior director's office. "What's this I hear about you taking on all of the presentations for so-and-so, and she's doing your work for you?"
[00:23:34] Ryan Mayer: I said, "Well, it's something called job carving or job sharing where, you know, it's really we're get- we're getting better results. I've resolved the issue of me not being able to do the follow-up. She- Does not like doing those presentations. I love them, and we're getting much more engagement from the departments I present to than we ever have.
[00:23:51] Ryan Mayer: So I'm excited about it. And to your point, Mike, I'll never forget, he said, "Well, that's nice and it's a very creative solution, but that's not how we do it [00:24:00] here. So Ryan, I need you to just go back to your desk and do your job. Let us figure out the decisions about who does what." and so, you know, I walked back with, like, my tail between my legs and just, like, "Well, back to the part of the job I hate."
[00:24:15] Ryan Mayer: and what I echo what Mike said earlier about the invisible disability, people have no idea. Because while they know, of course, we're gonna make accommodations for someone who's in a wheelchair, like we've got to have ramps, we've got to have elevators, , and different... You know, make things accessible.
[00:24:32] Ryan Mayer: But when I requested to get in to work in a less bustling area, because we were just in this open office environment where I told them, "I can't not hear everyone's conversations. It's just how I'm built. , so I'm wondering if I could get, you know, like one of the open offices." But then they said, "You know the policy.
[00:24:52] Ryan Mayer: That's based on seniority, and so and so has been doing better than you and has been here longer, so that office goes to them." [00:25:00] So to me, it totally misses the point that results get respect. Like, we're going for the end result, and so many organizations are so caught up in, "Well, that's now how we do it here," or, "This is how it's always been done," that they're, missing out on such an exceptional group of people that have diverse skills that they can bring to their teams
[00:25:21] Chaya Mallavaram: Absolutely. , they're just stuck in the process and not looking at the big picture, the end result that we, ADHDers, can clearly see. It just breaks my heart because every day, every minute should be joyful. And when organizations don't honor that joy within people and force them into boxes, , I hope they get it that they're doing a big disservice by forcing them into boxes instead of seeing what are people good at, and
[00:25:51] Chaya Mallavaram: what do they love to do, and just give them those jobs.
[00:25:56] Chaya Mallavaram: It's beyond me why people don't get it
[00:25:59] Ryan Mayer: And that's actually [00:26:00] why the newest kind of evolution for my coaching practice, , I'm still maintaining the one-on-one and the group coaching, and I actually have a couple associate coaches that have joined my team, which has been incredible, , building a team around me. But where I think I can even make a bigger impact is back in the workplace.
[00:26:17] Ryan Mayer: To go back to help people to see, what if... This is how you're doing now. How do you think you'd be doing if everyone on the team could bring their authentic self and all of their skills to the workplace? And if you just could ask them a very simple question like, "Hey, how is this going for you?
[00:26:32] Ryan Mayer: Is there something else that you'd want to be doing, or is there a different way that you'd want to go about it that would be easier for you?" And so I'm starting to do this neuro-inclusion consulting to help people see that, I always say, little hinges swing big doors. Like, these subtle shifts can have a huge impact if you just allow people to do it the way that's easiest for them to do it
[00:26:54] Chaya Mallavaram: Just want to talk about one thing which I made this connection pattern. I saw the pattern, [00:27:00] and I want to talk about that pattern. , you had talked about you love talking. You just discovered that early on that you were great at speaking and then you thought it was going to be sales. So you tried that, , but you still pursued that interest.
[00:27:16] Chaya Mallavaram: You had figured out a strength in yourself. and then you tried that, and that didn't work for various reasons, which you explained, and that led you to coaching. And I really feel this is where, , we have to know what our strengths are. , nobody better than ourselves, , would, could tell that.
[00:27:36] Chaya Mallavaram: And you as a coach make people realize that, right? It's about that self-realization. , because we have that answer inside of us. And then you use that skill, that talent, , as much as you can. That's all I can say. Do that more. And then the skills that we're not good at, we can always find someone, another [00:28:00] ADHDer probably, we are a massive network of people. We've come here with our own strengths and gifts. We're not meant to be good at everything. Even the neurotypicals, they're not good at everything.
[00:28:13] Ryan Mayer: Right
[00:28:14] Chaya Mallavaram: right? So it's just one life. Why can't we all do what we love and let other people do what they love? And it's not a competition.
[00:28:25] Chaya Mallavaram: There's no prize for that. and we just have to live life joyfully, experience, learn lessons, and keep moving
[00:28:33] Ryan Mayer: And you said something really profound earlier on when you said, "Every day should be joyful." And that's, to me, what it really comes down to, and that was pretty much the opposite of what my corporate experience was. And for a while, I just had resigned to the, thought that, "Okay, well I guess being a grown-up and being in the working world is just always gonna be miserable.
[00:28:55] Ryan Mayer: That's just how it is." And I've realized now it does not have to be that way. [00:29:00] And in fact, I'm really glad you talked about, like, tapping into my own strengths, because going all the way back to grade school, that's when I really excelled in school, and I made the connection that it was, and this is r- again, really fascinating to me. I am the oldest child and in my family I have, , two younger siblings that I'm really close with, and there was six years in between me and my brother, the next sibling. So during that span and a little bit longer, like, my mom was available to help me with my homework, and what we would do is I would typically lay down on the couch and she would read my textbooks to me.
[00:29:37] Ryan Mayer: And I was able to read at some point, but then I just found that I could absorb and retain the information much better when she read it. And then as time went on and I had to do more of my own work, it became apparent that was a struggle. But now circling all the way back now as a 40-year-old, people have, remarked about my exceptional listening skills and [00:30:00] empathy of just, connecting with people, and I realized that was misplaced in corporate because I'll never forget my first job ever.
[00:30:07] Ryan Mayer: I, I was a recruiter at a staffing industry, and there's, like, smile and dial, like, you're trying to make as many phone calls to reach the right people. And I remember having a particularly meaningful conversation with a prospective client, and my manager came around and was, like, listening in. And so I hung up and I thought, "Hmm, that was a good one.
[00:30:25] Ryan Mayer: He's probably gonna compliment me on how I really connected with that guy." And this was a very, , competitive culture, and so they only used last names for some reason. So, "Hey, Mayer, I listened to your call." I'm like, "Yeah." And he said, "We're not here to make friends. We're here to fill jobs. So you need to tighten it up, you need to get to the point."
[00:30:44] Ryan Mayer: And I'm just thinking like, "Oh, I thought I was doing a good job and that person really appreciate it, but okay." And now I'm able to do that. Like, I'm getting paid more than I've ever made in my life because I'm able to help people feel heard and give them a space and get to know [00:31:00] them. And I know this is an exceptional gift for me because as soon as I'm talking with someone, it's like...
[00:31:05] Ryan Mayer: And again, this is, I know it's, like, divine in nature, where it just downloads right into my brain. Like, the last time that I talked with this person, we talked about da, da, da, da, da, and it's just there. , and I know what my weaknesses are, all the detail work and the follow-up work. So then when I built my own business, you know, I think back to my wife's question, "If you could do anything, what would you do?"
[00:31:25] Ryan Mayer: I would build a team around me to plug all of the holes in my executive function or the areas where I'm not strong, and that's what I've done. So now I can just coach I can show up like I did today for the podcast, and I just talk, and I love it, and I love helping to inspire other people. And other folks will do the other things that I'm not good at.
[00:31:43] Ryan Mayer: For two other things I wrote down I don't want to forget. I tell my clients they probably feel like I do, like a duck. A duck because when you look on the surface, the duck is just smoothly going along, and underneath they're paddling like crazy to try to keep up and [00:32:00] using so much energy.
[00:32:01] Ryan Mayer: And that, back to Mike's point about it being an invisible disability, people have no idea how much harder it is for us to do anything. I was just talking to a new client yesterday, and she's talking about how embarrassed she is, how much energy and focus it takes for her to just shower and get out the door.
[00:32:16] Ryan Mayer: And she's like, "I'm sure other people do not get as exhausted as I do just getting myself ready." , so just for anyone who's listening, just want to let you know you're not alone in that. And the one other thing I wanted to say, because I'm been able to leverage my creativity and my visual, , ideas to come up with a line of ADHD merch.
[00:32:33] Ryan Mayer: For those who are just listening, I'm wearing a shirt that says Powered by ADHD, and it's a battery. , because my clients know I'm always talking about how can you recharge your battery? How can you do something you enjoy to recharge? So that's what it's about for me.
[00:32:45] Mike Cornell: That hits on something that's very important for, , anyone, , particularly neurodivergent folks obviously, is the role self-empathy plays before you begin any journey to finding your accommodations [00:33:00] or finding yourself or whatever else, is first starting from a place of you deserve the empathy that you would impart to other people, or you would want to impart to other people.
[00:33:10] Mike Cornell: You can reflect that back on yourself and give yourself some patience and find yourself some time to do those things. And, obviously, , just wanting to go out and get coaching and get some help I think is actually... People sometimes don't realize it, but that's actually a step in being empathetic to yourself and realizing that you actually are deserving of some sort of assistance, of some sort of shoulder to lean on for those things.
[00:33:37] Mike Cornell: So thank you for, doing what you do and helping so many people who otherwise would fall through the cracks and never be allowed to be seen,
[00:33:46] Mike Cornell: because most people just kinda push them off to the side
[00:33:50] Ryan Mayer: Well, speaking of meaningful merch, I noticed right away the sweatshirt that you're wearing that says, "You deserve to be loved," and that's not only by others, but [00:34:00] also by ourselves. And I was just foraging around my files to try to find the thing I was gonna show you, but it's essentially like when you get onto a jet and they'll say, "If we should experience an unexpected drop in cabin pressure, please put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others.
[00:34:18] Ryan Mayer: Thank you." I took a picture on my phone, so, , my phone is off. But anyways, it was, , a mask that said self-care, and it's a person breathing and, clearly smiling, and then they have a ADHD brain, there was two hearts. It says, "Big feels." So in other words, like, we feel things really big, , compared to others.
[00:34:36] Ryan Mayer: , and the whole idea here is we can't empty our battery or our hearts for others if we're not taking care of ourselves. Because I heard this from some YouTube video recently, which I really liked, that self-care is not selfish. Like, it's actually strategic. I'm gonna say that one more time.
[00:34:55] Ryan Mayer: Self-care is not selfish, it's strategic. So on the days when you [00:35:00] feel like because of your ADHD and your negative self-talk, like you have to keep pushing, keep pushing, 'No, I'm not good enough. I didn't do enough, good enough job,' okay, even if you didn't get the thing done, you're just gonna have diminishing returns if you keep pushing, and you're probably gonna burn out, and the next day you're not gonna be able to get anything done.
[00:35:14] Ryan Mayer: Instead, take a break and recharge so that tomorrow or after the break or whatever, you can get after it and be more effective. So when I... That's a reminder I need to tell myself, but my clients are always like, "Yeah, you're right. I've been pushing myself too hard."
[00:35:29] Chaya Mallavaram: Yeah, there's no need to push. It's not a race, it's not a competition. Those deadlines, those numbers have been pushed onto us. But when you do something with joy and love, it will multiply
[00:35:42] Ryan Mayer: I am receiving what you're saying and I'm believing it because even though I'm five years in, there are seasons where just because I have a certain amount of people following or liking a video or whatever, , I sometimes wonder like, 'Hey, is the work I'm doing helping?' And I can truly say I [00:36:00] love my clients and so all I can do is trust and keep being authentically me and follow the energy.
[00:36:08] Ryan Mayer: And if you do that, a quote from, I think it's Wayne Dyer, , that says, "Money is just an echo of value." So if you just keep putting the ripple of value out there, money has to come back to you. Yeah
[00:36:19] Chaya Mallavaram: It's an exchange of energy. And the more authentic energy you put out there, it's gonna come back. , and once you realize that, , it'll, you'll start to, , manifest that. And I feel, Ryan, I'm getting this divine download that you would be amazing for, in a corporate world. Because I feel people are like robots and just going about not realizing.
[00:36:44] Chaya Mallavaram: And having someone like you even do a talk, a speaker, , just you would be able to awaken people massively in large numbers. And I hope people see that. I hope this podcast would get you there
[00:36:59] Ryan Mayer: Thank you. [00:37:00] And once the podcast episode comes out, I'm gonna save it to my favorites, and I'm gonna listen that little section you just said, thank you, because I need that reminder, and I know I can do it.
[00:37:09] Ryan Mayer: It's just a matter of getting in touch with the right people
[00:37:12] Mike Cornell: It's invaluable. The ability to show others true emotional intelligence is invaluable, and be able to give them something back.
[00:37:21] Mike Cornell: So on that note, where can people who are listening connect with you?
[00:37:26] Ryan Mayer: So on the socials, , you can look up ADHD Coach Ryan on YouTube, which by the way, if anyone's listening, here's what you can do. If you enjoyed today's episode, please go to youtube.com and look up, , Ryan Mayer Coaching because I am manifesting that I'm gonna reach 10,000 subscribers.
[00:37:46] Ryan Mayer: "But Coach Ryan, you don't even have 5,000 yet. How in the world are you gonna do that?" Well, I'm putting it out there. I placed the order, and I can't wait for it to arrive. So that's where they can find me, and then my website is ryanmayercoaching.com, and [00:38:00] that's where you can take the free masterclass, , that's where my ADHD merch is at.
[00:38:04] Ryan Mayer: And in fact, for today's listeners, I have a special gift. I would like to share a free digital resource about, , how to conquer your ADHD in the workplace, , but also offer, , a free month of coaching to anyone who is interested. "Mm. That's so generous. Why would he do that?" Because I love what I'm doing
[00:38:24] Mike Cornell: Awesome. Thank you so much. all that will be, , in the show notes for everybody to access. Of course, it's sparklaunchpodcast.com. it's, once again, invaluable resource right there that you offer.
[00:38:37] Mike Cornell: So thank you again for coming on the show and, sharing about yourself
[00:38:38] Ryan Mayer: It's my pleasure, and thanks again to both of you for the work that you do, , in helping to raise awareness and raise vibrations. Let's go
[00:38:46] Chaya Mallavaram: Thank you, Ryan