Passion Over Profession: A Teen Perspective on Dyslexia, Adulthood, and Happiness w/ Neel Raikar

Mike Cornell: 00:00:00

You've landed at Spark Launch, the Guide star for embracing what it means to be neurodiverse. I'm Mike Cornell, joined by CEO of Spark Launch, Chaya Mallavaram.

Here we navigate mental health triumphs and tribulations from all across the spectrum, charting a course of the shared experiences that unite us. And discovering how to embody the unique strengths within neurodivergent and neurotypical alike.

Igniting your spark and launching it into a better tomorrow. Hello there, I'm Mike.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:00:32

I'm Chaya.

Mike Cornell: 00:00:33

And today we want to welcome on the show Neel Raikar, a straight talking, school hating people avoiding. You sound like me. Dyslexic 18 year old, navigating the challenges with dyslexia while staying focused on academics. Welcome, Neel.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:00:47

I have to give a little background about Neel. His mom and I were high school classmates and I always admired his mother back then and even today.

So I'm very grateful for her to have introduced me to Neel. And here is Neel. Welcome again, Neel.

Neel Raikar: 00:01:11

Yeah, thank you for having me here.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:01:13

So school hating, that's the first thing that stood out. And it actually made me smile when I read that because I loved the fact that you were owning up to it.

That tells me that you're not masking, you're not trying to hide. You're being your authentic self. You don't have to like it because what you don't like it, you're entitled to it, you're entitled to your feelings.

And I was thinking, boy, he's so confident in saying that. So kudos to you for that. Tell me why you feel that so much.

Neel Raikar: 00:01:50

Well, to start off, I really don't like studying, but I'm forced to do it. So things I don't.

So basically like being in school, just sitting in class, like hour after hour listening to various topics, like really like, doesn't interest me but I like have to go through it.

And always, I always have that one thing in the back of my mind, like, okay, I get through this, I get through that and finally, oh, I get to go home. It's always like my everyday plan to get out of school.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:02:22

That reminds me of my school days because, you know, I was always looking forward to going back home to my room, to my comfort place. And you're going to school because you're supposed to and it's not because you want to, right?

Neel Raikar: 00:02:41

Yeah, yeah. Forced to situation. It like involves too much brain power. Like doing math, I dislike it.

But if it's like, doesn't like take too much brain Power like what do you say? History, English. I find it all right.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:02:55

So you feel where you have to put in a lot of effort.

Neel Raikar: 00:02:59

It's no, I can't like I have no problem putting effort but like it's like too much like in maths like I'm supposed to think oh like these numbers, I'm supposed to add them then if and all that basically with too much like effort on my brain. It's not nice for me.

Mike Cornell: 00:03:16

How's the dyslexia interfere interact with studying math and dealing with math problems?

Neel Raikar: 00:03:22

Not really.

I think it just really like I have a like a bit of problem concentrating like and math like thing requires like a certain level of concentration that I have to like keep and like which I find a bit difficult. But now, now for me I. It's more like more handleable for me to do.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:03:41

It's basically not your interest to.

Neel Raikar: 00:03:44

Yes, not my interest to do math but I'm forced to.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:03:48

Yeah, yeah. That is that. I think a lot of children can relate to that because they are forced to do X, Y and Z, whatever that X, Y and Z.

It's different for each person but you have to do it and when you're forced to do it, it takes the joy out of learning.

Neel Raikar: 00:04:10

Yeah. If I genuinely find it interesting it actually becomes like a bit fun and interesting to do instead of the opposite.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:04:19

Exactly. So let's imagine if you were given a choice with math and not forced to do anything and not pick tests, what would you want to do?

How would you want to deal with math?

Neel Raikar: 00:04:36

Well if I hadn't had no test exams.

Well I would just really use the type of math which are actually real world use for it instead of what do you say, knowing what Pythagoras theorem is how geometry, finding X, Y and thing. Basically the things that I can actually use instead of stuff I may never use is how I would take on math. Yeah, yeah.

Mike Cornell: 00:05:06

That's always I think the biggest issue with math learning.

There's all the extraneous math that unless we're planning to do something with our lives that directly utilizes the more like calculus and whatnot, we were never really taught like specifically this is the real world aspects of what you have to learn here and what is helpful for you to learn and that's. That's really like a different change in motivation I think is it's helpful to learn this versus you have to learn this.

And I think if we went about learning math in a way that was here are real world scenarios and we'll Learn through doing that. And it also engages, I think, like the neurodivergent mind a lot more because we see the cause and effect of it.

It's hard for us to concentrate whenever we don't have like that quantum connection between what we're learning and what it's actually used for.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:06:06

Yeah, I think the real world aspect of it is so important for neurodivergent people because that's where you get your motivation and, and then you work. At least that's the way I work back. I work backwards, actually. I, I realized my brain works backwards. So what is backward?

The first point is actually the impact. How is my effort going to make an impact in this world? And then I go backwards. I, I need to understand it.

And in school we don't have that understanding. Everybody presents it in the. In, in fact the opposite.

Just doing step one, step two, step three, step four, and you don't even know why you're doing it. So I completely relate to you, Neel. So tell us a little bit about your background.

Where are you speaking from today and, and your schooling, all of that.

Neel Raikar: 00:07:03

Well, from so far I can remember, I was like, as I was like born, I think, premature, I think caused me to gain my neural deficiencies from what I can recollect my milestones. Like, what do you say? Walking pick. My first words were all delayed. Delayed as being, you know, as being a neurodivergent.

And so as I went into school, I should be very hyperactive. And that's also what caused, I think, my constitution issues. I used to run around in the class and the teachers had a bit of a hard time.

And I remember this one thing. One, my friend told me that he was going to do an errand. He saw me out of the class. And in the next period I was again out of the class.

So it's kind of. It was kind of awkward hearing this, like remembering this years later when I'm like fully okay and stuff.

And so back then, like, my reading and writing, it was not like everyone, like was at a different pace as I think I was more, as required some bit of concentration. But I went through tuition for like two, three years, which really helped me a lot.

I was able to like, progress through my school life and everything. And I was able to like, be a normal person and everything.

And that helped me just so being and helped me and that with that being norm with me being normal, I was able to socialize, make friends and do what every kid could, but with a different perspective on life. If you Know catch what I'm trying to say.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:08:30

Yeah. So you had a pretty rough start even without you realizing it.

Neel Raikar: 00:08:35

Yes, I actually didn't realize that I was causing these big problems to my teacher, that the people around me, well, even I like, started like getting help. I started to slowly understand, like I was on news, I was like causing trouble and all that, but I actually did not know it.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:08:48

So if I make you look at it from a different angle, you were just being yourself put into an environment which had a lot of rules, a lot of structure, a lot of aspects to it that you couldn't relate to, trying to fit into an environment where you were not a natural fit. Some, some children are a natural fit. They will listen to rules. They, they can be quiet when you ask them to be quiet.

But really you were not made that way. But did you have a choice? You really didn't have a choice?

Neel Raikar: 00:09:24

No, not really.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:09:25

You. You were made that way. So the way I see every.

Everything, and that's the meaning of the Spark launch, is that everybody has that spark and everybody has a way of being and we have something to contribute to this world because we are here on this planet. But the system is what seems to be failing the neurodivergent community.

Neel Raikar: 00:09:55

In my, in the classroom setting. I think as I'm going from the, from like first to like 10th grade, I guess it would feel like a. More like a.

What do you say, like sort of a difficulty concentrating because like every year there's more complex topics being taught and you will have to like, try to like, absorb that. Well in the Indian syllabus, it's basically you go to like, whatever's in a textbook.

You will have to like, mug it up and then like, regard, like vomit it out in the exam, which was like a bit like gave me like, headache and it's a bit, I think, I think people like me will find this way difficult.

Like you're trying to remember the whole textbook at the end of the year and then pray it out on paper so you pass and do the same thing all over again for the past like 10, nine years and so counting. So really like there was like not. Did not feel great doing it every year.

Mike Cornell: 00:10:49

Yeah. The standardized test are so stupid in so many ways because, hey, remember that thing you read one day six months ago? Could you re. Explain it?

You know, it's a failure of education systems, especially for those of us who have maybe issues with memory and concentration and don't really intake stuff in the same exact way. Obviously school is not an easy thing for you. And it's impressive how far you've been able to push yourself despite those issues.

Where does your interest lie with things that you want to do? You know, divorced from the education system. I should say from school.

Neel Raikar: 00:11:31

Well, I guess what my interest, other than having to be mandatory and in school, would probably just be being by myself and doing what I want. They. Using a computer, using a gaming console, like, whatever. Like I like. I like to do by myself without interaction.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:11:51

So if you. If I.

If I make you think a little bit and see if you feel of the impact that you want to make in this world and just as Mike said, let go of school or degree or interviews or anything, how. How do you think you would like to make a positive impact on this planet?

Neel Raikar: 00:12:16

I thought of, like, making an impact, but, like, once I get out of school, I'm planning off, like, probably, like, getting to a job I like, and probably like supporting my family, all the other regular stuff. I don't really like how, like, a whole vision of, oh, I want to do this to change the world.

It's just I just like to do what I want most of the time, basically.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:12:37

At your age, Neel, I had no idea what I was going to do in life. I did what my dad did. He was a chartered accountant, which is a CPA here, and I wanted to be successful like him.

Although if you look back at his school days, he had a lot of challenges. My dad had a ton of challenges in school, but over a period of time, he learned to pursue his passion.

So he studied science, didn't find his passion, and then loved accounting. So with a science background, he pursued accounting and went really far.

So if we have this open mindset and allow ourselves to learn from our experiences, we will go really far.

So I would say, Neel, if you can give yourself plenty of experience, however you want to do it in your own terms, that would be great because experience teaches a lot more than just books.

Mike Cornell: 00:13:42

Yeah, and I. And I will also add on to that, I think, interesting thing for, like, everybody to remember is I'm. I'm a.

I'm a big believer in there isn't really any specific point to consciousness and life, I guess. And I find a lot of freedom in that.

And honestly, we get very churned up in the question of, like, well, what do you want to do with your life and what do you want adulthood to be like? And sometimes, honestly, it's okay to accept that the answer might just be to be happy in your own way. Like, for me, I Very much have a bit too much.

Like I have two options. One is I could live in a box and if I help one other person feel good about themselves, then I'm pretty happy. I don't really need anything.

The other one is I don't need to necessarily do or accomplish anything in life. As long as I live day to day, kind of fine and I can watch stupid movies with my friends or something. I'm also happy doing that.

And sure, one is of course fulfilling to like the greater world and cool that I have that. But the other one, yeah, you could argue, seems like a waste, but what is. What's wasteful about that?

If I'm alive on this planet and I'm enjoying every day in like some certain way. It's like sometimes just setting yourself up to be comfortable in your own skin and living how exactly you want to be.

It's like, I think we get on other people sometimes about like you have to be doing something. That's what we call like careers. And to be contributing in some way that isn't, isn't just like a cog. But some people don't have that.

Like they don't have career aspirations. They just have things they want to do that bring them some enjoyment from day to day.

So some, the jobs they do are just to, you know, put food on the table or they just want to. They don't have career aspirations, they want to meet somebody. Or there's some people who just want to live for like some sort of leisure activity.

No matter what it is, even if it's worked one of us. And there's no, I think it's important to point out there's no difference in that. Like you don't have, you don't have to do something. And I.

That's like such a, like weirdly controversial thing to say. But you don't, you don't have to actually do anything in life. You can just sur.

You know, it sounds weird to say you could just survive and as long as you're like not miserable and unhappy, then you're kind of doing the correct thing. You're being alive.

Neel Raikar: 00:16:21

Yeah, yeah.

Also like, I also do agree with the fact that you can just do whatever you want and just like do just find a job, whatever like suits your fancy and everything. Well, I think that's a bit difficult in like the Indian like household.

Like you're like the people around you and like your parents do have expectations of you.

Like, I want my son to grow up, become a doctor, engineer, IA IAS officer, But you just really want us to do your own thing or be a musician or like work in a company and all that. I think that's like kind of like, kind of like a, like, I think that's what, like what many people like me in India like find difficult.

Like I want to do my thing, but I want to do what my parents want me to do because I want them to be happy and I want them to know that I'm doing well for myself. It's kind of like a, like a red pill, blue pill kind of choice.

Either I take one and do what I want, but my parents won't like it and then it will make me feel not good. Or I do what my parents want me, but I actually don't want to do that. But in the end, my parents would be happy.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:17:24

Yeah, it's really tough finding that perfect formula. And the reason why I say the planet, I mean I'm not talking about anything big, right?

Even, even just this podcast, the three of us getting together, we are putting out an energy out to the planet. So, so that's what I was talking about.

Just putting out that positive vibe because we are speaking authentically and that itself is very positive and it's inspiring to others. But what is really important, as Mike mentioned, is doing things that are joyful, that are, that gives, that makes you happy.

The more and more and more you do that, you, you will then find that love within yourself because you're not expecting others to satisfy that. And what I've realized is what our job in this world, whatever you want to call that, should come from a place of joy.

And a lot of people in this world are putting out all frustration into the planet because they really don't like what they're doing. So is really important is that we should do what we love.

And when you do it for others and you take that love that you feel in your heart and do it for others, I feel that's what a job is. It should be joyful and happy.

Neel Raikar: 00:18:56

Yeah, as long as you're like you are like you. The job you do is like fun. It's not really a job job at all.

It's just like a really long hobby I to do every, like every five days of the week and everything.

Mike Cornell: 00:19:07

We judge people by jobs so often. We're very job obsessed society. And I never quite understood.

Neel Raikar: 00:19:13

Yeah, especially, yeah, especially in India. Like, like Pen will be comparing like, oh, my daughter is a doctor. Oh, my son is this or my son is that.

And really like may like really like puts pressure on us. Like, oh, I have to do this. All my parents won't be happy.

Or they want people to be br, like able to brag about what my, what their son is doing and all that is there really slightly, like one, like one, one of many factors. Like many factors when you're trying to like pick a job and all that.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:19:40

Yeah. Because who cares, right? Who cares what other people think? What's really important is are you enjoying it?

So if we let go of that attachment of other others and say, okay, and own up to our own interests and our own joy and do that, it'll be amazing. Right. If, just imagine if everybody in this world did that. It would be a beautiful place.

Neel Raikar: 00:20:10

No high to high labor turnover rates anywhere. It'll just be like a highly productive society. Everyone gets what they want and yeah, moreover, like benefits the country in the long run.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:20:23

I agree 100%. If everybody did what they loved, I think we have enough work for everybody. And nobody judged each other.

And we were not doing things for other people, but we were just doing it for our own happiness and our own joy. It would be amazing. So it's up to us to let go of that attachment.

Neel Raikar: 00:20:44

Yeah. And that and the whole like, thought, like, what, what is this person thinking of me if I, oh, what does he think? What does he think?

What does my parents think? Like, letting go of that is like, like a true goal of everyone's life, basically.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:20:58

You're so wise, Neel. Exactly. Once we let go of that expectation and just do what you love and then maybe someday you'll say, oh my God, I love what I'm doing.

Maybe I can do it for others. And then you learn how to charge them for that. Right. And, and that, that's what energy is. I feel money is an exchange of energy.

We need that we need, we need to learn how to do what we love and, and then make money out of doing what we love. We have to redefine money, actually, that'd be nice.

Mike Cornell: 00:21:38

I'm trying not to rant about capitalism like right now because I really want to, but that's like a two hour long TED talk that I'll launch into. I, I, I just often think, like, how often people look down on people who work in fast food.

Be it's like high schoolers or young people who, that's like their first job, you know, but more or less older people who work in fast food and are seen to be fine with working in fast food. Not that say they love the job itself, but it's the thing they do so they can then go home and do the thing they actually like to do.

I think a lot of society and a lot of the zeitgeist kind of gets wrapped up in that. The job and thing you enjoy doing have to be like one in the same. Well, your life has to be for the job instead of for yourself.

Sometimes a job is just a means to an end so you can go do crap you like to do. I personally like to read and watch movies and play games and do stupid like jigsaw puzzles and like hang out with friends and listen to music.

Like that's really all I want to do. And I'm pretty content with that. I'm pretty content with hanging out with my cat. And for a while, until recently, my career was just.

Until I started doing peer support stuff, my career was just doing things to put money in the bank so I could vaguely support myself. And honestly even that I was kind of fine with. I didn't like my job or anything like that. I honestly actually flat out hated that one.

But anybody who's ever talked to me knows I will rant. I still ran about that job and I lost it in September. But I got to do a bunch of other stuff while that was going on and that's what I lived for.

I've never really connected with the job you do being such a large part of your life that it is like your main being. Like the thing you talk about with other people is your job. Just can't understand that. I have friends who are kind of the.

Who are very much the same way.

It's like they work really crappy jobs, but unless it specifically pisses them off and they need to vent about it, it isn't something that like enters their mind a lot. We talk about the things we actually like talking about and our passions and arts and stuff like that.

Like we don't just sit there and talk about work or think about work. And there's a little bit too much about that I think in our world where it's very job focused like your life is for your job.

And I think that is something that's very. From a capitalistic society.

See, I'm so slightly going into it, but capitalistic society and post demagogic society from where the rich ruled and things like that, where your job was your standing and your job was to essentially create commerce for other people that were above you. And I think our self worth got very much twisted with that.

A lot of these jobs and a lot of the things where it's like, what do you want to do with your life? No one ever asked, like, so what would you. What would make you happy in life? What do you want to do that would be. Make you happy?

It's, it's always like you have a responsibility to absolutely nothing that has to do with yourself.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:24:52

Yeah. And, and even the crappy job, whatever crappy means, could be joyful. Right? Like just picking up the trash and putting it into that dumpster.

Even that job can be joyful if you want to zone out while doing that. And if you're getting paid for it, who cares, right? So.

So I think we should all not be obsessed about this thing we put out there because of our job, because nobody cares, really. They. If they judge you, that's their problem, not yours. And so we should find that joy and be brave to say that. This is what I love to do.

This is what makes me happy. And I'm. I'm going to find myself doing it for others somehow and support myself or let others support me. It doesn't matter. But I.

I still feel that will make us feel grounded, just doing what we love. And when we do that for even one person, even for your cat, for instance, you find a purpose in that.

Mike Cornell: 00:26:06

I do work for my cat. At this point, I'm pretty sure I just want to get her really nice litter. That's all I want to do. Anyway, thank you for joining us, Neel.

I really like this conversation we found ourselves kind of falling into. This was very interesting, so thank you so much.

Chaya Mallavaram: 00:26:21

Thank you, Neel.

Mike Cornell: 00:26:22

So for anybody interested in listening to more Spark launch, we are sparklaunchpodcast.com sparklaunch.org I am on Instagram @followshisghost. Chaya is on Instagram @the_Sparklaunch. And of course, we can always be found on LinkedIn where I pretend to be a professional.

But for all of us, we will see you next time.